


To Love Another Person is to See the Face of God

by peachykoya



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Religion, Religious Conflict, Romance, Temporary Character Death, kaysanova
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25589839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachykoya/pseuds/peachykoya
Summary: When he is on his knees, Nicolo’s thoughts turn to God.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 48
Kudos: 350





	To Love Another Person is to See the Face of God

**Author's Note:**

> You know a ship is good when you're compelled to write fanfiction

When he is on his knees, Nicolò’s thoughts turn to God. It was a position he’s always been quite familiar with. In his boyhood, Mama would make her children rise with the dawn to wash their faces, begin their lessons, and of course, to say their prayers. Even after all these years, he can still remember her soft whispers reciting the Our Father and the way she gripped her blue rosary...or was it black?

Years of the same routine, morning and evening prayers, Mass on Sundays. The same _ache_ in his bony knees as he shifted his weight back and forth, eyes cast down in deference to the Lord. If Mama caught his eyes wandering during prayers, it would mean a quick, sharp smack to the back of the head. Still he would look, often staring at the wooden carving of Jesus on the cross.

  
If he stared hard enough, would he know the Almighty? Mama often prayed for God to smile down on her family, but the Jesus that Nicolò saw was unchanging, forever frozen in a moment of pain. A smack to the back of the head and eyes move downward.

Nicolò is older now, his knees a little tougher. He’s learned to recognize his mother’s slight shifting which signals she’s about to turn a stern gaze toward her children, making sure their heads are bowed. Do not look at God. For whatever reason, He cannot bear it. The same crucifix hangs behind the altar, unchanged, unsmiling. Just that same frozen pain. His eyes wander the pews now. He catches someone looking back, a baker’s son. Nicolò recognizes him and they share a mischievous smile. His knees begin to _ache_ again.

The baker’s son, his name has been gone for centuries, always leaves the shop’s backdoor unlocked on Sundays. It becomes a ritual for them. Nicolò tells his parents that he is taking extra lessons. Bible studies. They don’t need to know the way he goes to his knees for this boy, how he studies the taste of salty skin and hurried desire. The baker’s son’s hands are strong from hours of kneading dough, carrying sacks of flour, and pulling trays out of the ovens. They’re strong when they push Nicolò’s head down, back to task. He hisses, “Don’t look at me.”

  
Nicolò thinks of God and his mother’s quick hand.  
-

There’s more talk of change coming to the Church. Reform is inevitable. Peter Damian publishes his Liber Gomorrhianus. They lose their home to a flood. His younger sister takes ill and passes away. The baker’s son gets married.

When he announces his decision to join the priesthood, Mama asks him why. How can he tell her that he fears for his soul? That the bruises on his legs come from a different kind of worship? How can he tell her that no matter how hard he looks, all he can see is that same damned face of pain and _hate_ in Jesus’s eyes? Instead, Nicolò answers that he will spend his life on his knees, eyes cast down, praying for salvation.

  
His legs go numb in seminary, which might be a blessing in itself.  
-

In 1095, Pope Urban II issues a call. It is a chance for redemption, for salvation, for sins to be forgiven and Nicolò grasps at it like a drowning man. Trained since childhood in the ways of war, Nicolò di Genova rises quickly. He leads a battalion of men to take Jerusalem from the pagans who have infected the city.

God must be on their side. Nicolò continues to pray in his tent after every battle, with eyes shut tight and tired legs, but God _is_ on their side. The Christians are _winning_.

He believes he has repented enough, surely God must be smiling down on him now, he will go _home_. But it is arrows that rain down on Nicolò di Genova, and his horse tumbles to the ground. The world turns upside down and he hardly has a moment to draw his sword before a figure strikes at him.  
The Muslim man is deadly fast with his strange curved sword. Nicky can’t remember what his last thoughts were before the foreign weapon carved its way into his stomach. Maybe relief that he’d at least been able to impale his killer before falling to his knees and dying.

He later learns, while huddled next to a fire, that his unsuccessful murderer’s name is Yusuf al-Kaysani. The name is slippery in his mouth, but he will study the pronunciation until he gets it just right. Yusuf’s manner of prayer is unfamiliar to Nicolò but he will learn to understand it just as he will come to understand his surreal and alluring companion.  
-

The first time Nicolò goes to his knees for Yusuf, he trembles hard enough that the man above him stops to see if he is alright. A strong, gentle, calloused hand combs through his hair.

“Nicolò...Nicolò, please look at me.”

In Yusuf’s eyes, he can see desire, yes, but also trust. And concern. Nicolò cannot tear his eyes away as he takes this man into his mouth.

-

Nicky Smith is impossibly older now. He has spent a thousand years at Joe’s side. He knows the language of Yusuf ibn Ibrahim ibn Muhammad ibn al-Kaysani, his beliefs, and traditions. He knows Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala. He knows that family is not just who shares your blood. He knows the love of a _good man_. And he knows this:

God is not fear. God is not hate or selfishness or wrath.  
God is kindness, generosity, empathy, and warmth.

God is in the way Joe kisses his lips when they first wake in the morning and before they fall asleep at night. He is in each cup of coffee Joe makes for him without even asking. He is in his lover’s scimitar which strikes down anyone who would dare to cause Nicky harm.  
He is in the softness of Joe’s tender care when he puts a pillow down before Nicky sinks to his knees. God is even in the Holy Communion of Yusuf's cock in his mouth.  


And as he looks up at his husband, Nicolò knows this: he sees God in this man.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Each comment and kudo is a precious diamond that I drop in my pocket and save for a rainy day, so please leave one below
> 
> The title was lifted from Les Mis because of my friend KB adding it while we were musing  
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://peachykoya.tumblr.com/)


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